Are You Going To Put That Back?
by selandora
Summary: With the reluctant help of a female Muggle, Sirius comes up with plans to sell Playboy magazines to underage wizards for a profit. Sirius Black is nothing if not devious. Sirius/OC slight crack
1. What is this 'convenience store?

The entrance to Diagon Alley was in a rather shady alleyway, as most wizards and witches knew, but the Muggles were blissfully unaware of the fact that a thriving shopping area existed just behind the brick wall. To them, the alley was another place to do things that maybe were better left out of the public eye.

So, when fifteen year old Sirius Black leisurely made his way down the cigarette strewn alley, it was inevitable that he'd come across some kind of shifty magazine. In this case, it was the ripped cover of a _Playboy_ magazine with a very busty blonde in a very lewd position. It caught his eye when he bent down to tie his shoelaces and, after brushing a few cigarette butts off, he picked it up like it was worth a million Galleons.

What _was _this wonderful thing? It wasn't animated like any picture made by a wizard (and maybe that was a good thing) but it had Sirius under its spell, it had to be hexed with something. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the woman on the cover and the grin on his face widened the more he stared.

_I have to show Prongs, _he thought determinedly.

He folded the dirty cover carefully and slipped it into the pocket of his faded jeans, running for all he was worth towards the Leaky Cauldron where he would meet James. He all but slammed the doors to the Leaky Cauldron open and attracted many looks, but none of them from his best friend and partner in crime.

"He's late again," Sirius muttered under his breath darkly, plopping down at an empty table.

After ordering a Butterbeer, Sirius found himself with nothing to do for the next few minutes. He quickly grew bored, as was typical of most teenage boys, and found himself itching to pull out the _Playboy_ cover again. He took a swig of the Butterbeer and glanced around to make sure nobody was looking.

Taking the magazine cover out of his pocket, he unfolded it and lovingly began to smoothen out the creases. He met the eyes of the blonde in the picture and instantaneously started grinning again.

A feminine voice called out to him, "I'm surprised James isn't with- oh, Merlin."

Sirius looked up at a very stunned Lily Evans. She was blushing twenty different shades of red and opened and closed her mouth silently like a fish for a minute. He noted she was unable to take her eyes away from the woman on the magazine cover and he frowned.

"You can't have it, it's mine," he told her sharply.

Her eyes darted around the room and she hissed under her breath, "Put that away!"

Excitedly, Sirius asked her, "Do you know what it is?"

"Sirius Black, _put it away_."

With a reluctant sigh, Sirius folded up the picture and slipped it back into his pocket. He asked her again, "Do you know what it is?"

"What were you thinking, pulling out something like that in the middle of public? Where did you even get your hands on a copy of _Playboy_?" she demanded, taking the seat opposite him.

Curiously, he pressed, "Is it Muggle made? Do you know where I can buy a copy?"

"You have no shame," Lily sniffed.

With a crooked smirk, Sirius retorted without missing a beat, "Well, you're the one who seems to know a lot about a dirty magazine."

"All Muggles know about _Playboy_," she snapped at him defensively.

"So it _is _Muggle made," Sirius said in complete awe.

"Where did you even find it?" Lily asked, her brow furrowing.

He answered, "At the entrance to Diagon Alley, some bloke left it lying around I guess. Why he'd want to, I'll never know. So, where can I get it?"

"Sirius, just shut up," she said angrily.

"Oh _come on,_ Evans. We're friends, aren't we?" he tried, flashing her a brilliant smile that could bring hordes of women to their knees.

"Don't call me Evans," she retaliated instantly, trying to keep herself from looking too long at Sirius. She knew that nobody was immune to his charm.

He rolled his grey eyes and said dryly, "Sorry, I forgot that only James could call you that."

"Potter has nothing to do with it," Lily snapped. "I just don't like being called Evans."

"Look, do you know where to buy _Playboy_ or not?" he asked again, more firmly.

She hesitated for a split second and replied shakily, "No."

"Oh come off it, you know exactly where to buy it."

"Even if I did, I wouldn't tell you. It's disgusting," she spat.

A strange light filled Sirius' eyes and Lily immediately bristled, knowing that dangerous twinkle in his gaze all too well. He said nonchalantly, "I suppose I could always tell James you're interested in it. You know what he's like, he'd find out where they stock _Playboy,_ no matter what, and then he'd leave stacks of them outside your dormitory door. Or maybe he'd send them directly to your house-"

"No!" she shouted and Sirius smirked, knowing he had won.

"Urgh, okay, fine. You can buy them at any convenience store, but don't say _anything _to James about me," she gave in, glaring at Sirius all the while.

"Where can I find a 'convenience store'?" he asked and when she opened her mouth to tell him to find it himself, he continued, "You never know, James might accidentally overhear me talking to myself about you and _Playb_-"

"I'll give you directions," she interrupted him hastily.

"Why, that's awfully kind of you."

* * *

Sirius had exchanged a handful of Sickles for Muggle pounds, but he wasn't exactly sure how many he had or if he had been ripped off by the goblin at the counter. He reasoned with himself, _It's Gringotts, they'd never cheat you_.

Two of the most valuable items he owned were now in his left pocket. One of them was the _Playboy_ magazine cover and the other was a sheet of parchment with directions to the 'convenience store' scribbled on them hastily.

He would have asked Lily to give James directions to the 'convenience store' as well, but he couldn't be sure if she'd actually give them to him. Just because he got on well with her didn't mean she'd help one of the boys she hated more than anyone else in the world for his sake.

His footsteps came to an awed halt in front of a pretty small Circle K. This was the convenience store. He could feel his heart thudding erratically in his chest at a hundred miles a minute, his palms were sweaty with excitement and adrenalin surged through every last corner of his body. Another huge grin quickly spread across his face as he dashed towards it.

The sliding glass doors opened silently and sleekly as he approached and he stared at them in amazement, filled with new approval of anything and everything Muggle. _It's not magic, but it's like magic. Muggles are amazing._

Inside he went and looked immediately for the magazine section. He found it easily enough, it covered an entire wall, and in the darkest corner furthest away from the door, he found the dirty magazines. His grin grew brighter and brighter with every step he took towards them and then he came to a stop in front of the most beautiful magazine rack he had ever seen in his entire life.

_Wait a minute. How am I meant to pick one I like if everything exciting's been covered up? _He wondered.

The wrapping on all of the magazines censored all of the women's private parts with strategically placed stars or black bars. He sighed in frustration but decided that he'd have to buy all of them instead and work out which ones he liked the best. Taking as many magazines as he could into his arms, he turned and crashed into somebody.

The magazines all went crashing to the floor and Sirius swore, "Merlin's beard!"

He dropped to his knees immediately and began picking up each and every magazine meticulously. The person he had crashed into knelt down to help him and out of the corner of his eye he could make out skinny black pants, but that was about it.

"I'm sorry," a feminine voice apologised, "I wasn't looking where-"

She came to an abrupt halt when she realised exactly what Sirius was picking up. She was lost for words and glanced at Sirius' face, frowning when she noticed he was the same age as her. He picked up the last one and lifted the entire stack of magazines; he hadn't even looked at her once. Not only did she think he was rude, but he looked like he was wearing some kind of strange costume.

There was an awkward pause between the two of them as Sirius shifted his weight from one leg to another. She ventured, "Aren't you going to put them back?"

"Of course not!" he snapped, "Why would I do something stupid like that?"

"You're only sixteen, aren't you?" she asked him sharply, offended at his tone.

He couldn't make out her face and said through the pile of magazines, "So?"

"You need to be eighteen to buy them, so unless you have a fake ID, you're going to have to put them back," she explained smartly.

"That's complete rubbish," Sirius dismissed her and struggled past her in the narrow aisle way to get to the counter. She followed him and watched as he tried to buy the magazines.

He dropped all twenty four of his dirty magazines on the counter, beaming brightly. In an excited voice, he said, "I'd like to get these please."

The bored woman behind the counter looked at him, raising a sceptical eyebrow. She stated, "ID, please."

"What is that, some kind of secret code?" Sirius asked, frowning at her.

She clucked her tongue twice in annoyance and explained, "Do you have a driver's license? Or a university card?"

"Um…no…" he trailed off and she leaned back against the wall of cigarettes, rolling her eyes.

"Then I can't sell any of these to you. Go and put them back on the rack," she ordered him, clearly too lazy to put them back herself.

"What?" he cried in outrage. "I'm paying you good money, does it matter how old I am? Why would companies put an age limit on something like this, they're promoting underage sex by banning children from reading something that can substitute for the real thing-"

The magazines were picked up by a dark haired girl who dragged Sirius away by the cuff of his grey jacket and he let her lead him back to the magazine rack, too angry to think properly. She released him and put the magazines on the cheap linoleum floor, folding her arms over her chest as she sized him up through critical eyes.

She was obviously a mix, between something Asian and European. She tapped her right foot irritably, drawing attention to her bright red Doc Martens and then to the black and white checkered shorts she wore. She was definitely a foreigner.

"Are you stupid?" she demanded.

Even though her fashion was a bit strange and outlandish, it didn't look bad, Sirius decided. Actually, it was pretty cool and edgy.

She continued, hardly noticing that he was staring at her clothing, "If you _really _want to buy them, you'll have to get a fake ID. Why you'd want them, I'll never know, but-"

"Do you have a fake ID?" he asked her quickly and she blinked.

"Yeah, but-"

"Can I borrow it?" he asked again eagerly and she stared at him like he had grown another head.

"Are all British people like this?" she mumbled under her breath. "You can't use my ID because it has my picture on it. Only _I_ can use it."

Sirius frowned at her and crossed his arms over his chest, deep in thought. Then he brightened and said, "Then why don't _you _help me buy the magazines?"

"No!" she all but shouted at him, going a brilliant shade of red.

"Oh come on, you'd be doing a fellow rebel a favour," he tried to reason with her.

"I'm not going to buy _those-_" She threw the stack of magazines a very pointed look, "-for you."

He asked her, "Look, you're a foreigner, right?"

"How'd you know?"

Looking at her clothes critically, he said dryly, "I guessed. Anyway, since you're a foreigner, you're probably here on holiday. Or you've just moved here."

"I've just moved here," she admitted and Sirius nodded knowingly.

"So you probably want to take a look around London. See what it has to offer and all, do the tourist thing before school starts," he continued. "And you see, I can help take you around."

Her dark eyes narrowed and she said flatly, "No."

"Oh come on, how many other locals do you know?" Sirius asked in exasperation.

"I don't even _know _you," she exclaimed and he shrugged.

"We can get to know each other. I mean, I won't force myself on you or anything, unless you become one of these _Playboy_ girls-"

She interrupted him. "So it's a given you'll never force yourself on me."

"Yeah, and that's a bit of a shame, really," he said, turning on the charm.

She looked at him flatly and he grinned back at her lopsidedly. With a sigh of frustration and resignation, she glanced at the stack of Playboy magazines and then to Sirius's extremely handsome face.

"You're sure you have enough money to pay for all of them?" she asked.

"Of course."

He was surprised when she threw a disgusted look at him. She raked a hand through her dyed platinum blonde hair and chewed on her glossy bottom lip indecisively. Awkwardly, she took the _Playboy_ magazines and money from him, lowering her voice, "Go outside and wait for me. I'll bring them out."

He left the store through the magical sliding glass doors and pressed his face against the glass, watching as she paid for the magazines. She produced what he presumed was this famed 'fake ID', which was just a small University card with her photograph on it. The woman behind the counter raised an eyebrow at both her and (through the window) Sirius, but she sold the magazines to the girl anyways. The girl came out, carrying two huge plastic bags and she shoved them to Sirius as though she would catch a disease for touching them for too long. He took them gratefully, cradling them close to his body.

"See, that wasn't that hard, was it?" Sirius asked her.

"It was the single most demeaning experience of my entire life."

Seeing the flat expression on her face, he said reassuringly, "Don't worry, you'll get over it. Pride is useless in today's society, only the really shameless people make the big money."

"Gee, thanks," she muttered darkly.

She glanced at the watch on her left wrist and looked back up at Sirius, explaining, "I need to go now. I'll give you my number."

From her purse, she produced a dark green pen that had 'Hotel Ibis' printed on the sign in fading golden letters. She held out a hand expectantly and Sirius stared at it, unsure of what she wanted him to do.

"Give me your hand," she ordered him and he frowned.

"I didn't think you'd be so forward but-"

She grabbed his hand irritably and began to write a number down on the inside of his palm. He suppressed giggles as the pen tickled him, he was manly and men did not laugh.

"Alright, that's my mobile number. Call me or text me, so we can figure out when you're going to show me around London as repayment," she told him.

"So it's like a date, yeah?"

"It is _not_ like a date."

Sirius sighed dramatically and then asked her, "What's your name?"

"Kit Asou," she said shortly.

"Well, I'm-"

She had already left before he could introduce himself and he huffed in annoyance as she disappeared around a corner. He had quite liked her actually, he was sure they could have been great friends. Maybe she and Lily would have gotten on, they both seemed to know an awful lot about Playboy and buying it.

He looked down at his hand and frowned.

_What's a 'mobile number'? _

* * *

When Sirius walked into the Leaky Cauldron again holding two huge Circle K bags, he immediately laid eyes upon Lily and James. As usual, they were arguing and he watched them for a minute- they were always funny to watch.

"Oh come on, Evans, just sit with me for a bit. I don't want to look pathetic sitting here on my own," James insisted and she threw him a dirty look.

"So you only want me to sit with you because you don't want to look pathetic?" she asked him incredulously.

He blurted hastily, "No! No, of course not, I _want _you to sit next to me-"

"You are not going to believe what I've just found," Sirius said, taking this as his cue to interrupt.

Lily stared at the plastic bags and asked, "Those aren't what I think they are, are they?"

Sirius grinned back at her widely and James looked suspiciously between them. Jealousy reared its ugly green head and he tensed, suppressing a scowl.

"What's in them?" He demanded sharply.

"Rubbish," Lily spat just as Sirius said, "Magazines."

"Magazines?" James asked, completely ignoring Lily's addition.

She looked away angrily and Sirius nodded, smiling crookedly. He said, "I've got loads of them, look-"

"Not here!" Lily hissed and Sirius shot her a dirty look.

He said darkly, "Fine, since Lily's such a prude, I'll show you at home."

"Are you sleeping over at Sirius' then, Potter?" Lily asked James.

There was an awkward silence.

James said absolutely nothing, looking to Sirius for permission. Sirius sighed, running a hand through his dark hair and he explained, "I've moved in with him. I left home."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Don't worry about it, its fine," he said, his grin seemed a little bit forced. "I'm happier with the Potters than I've ever been with the Blacks."

James stood up suddenly, his chair screeching on the wood as it slid back. He looked at Sirius and reminded him, "Mum wants us back by twelve for lunch, we've got to get going now if we're going to be on time."

"But we haven't even done anything!" Sirius protested.

"Well, if you had been here we _might _have been able to get around to doing something," James pointed out in annoyance.

"You're one to talk, you were late," he argued and Lily threw her hands up in the air.

"I'm leaving, say hi to Remus for me," she said and left the two boys.

When she had left, Sirius raised an aristocratic eyebrow and inquired, "So how was your time with Lily? And we're meeting Moony?"

"He's sleeping over. I bumped into him on the way here so I invited him," James explained, ignoring the first question.

Sirius' eyes lit up as he remembered his plastic bags and said, "The more the merrier."

Even though curiosity was gnawing at James from the inside like a monster, Sirius refused to let James sneak even one peek as they got onto the Knight Bus. He kept the magazines hidden and when they got home, Sirius snuck upstairs to their shared bedroom. Mrs. Potter was in the kitchen and hadn't noticed as the two of them had entered, Mr. Potter was working at the Ministry.

Once they got upstairs, Sirius locked the door after James and pulled down all the curtains. He was being overly cautious and began to pull out each magazine from its plastic cover. However, his back blocked James from seeing anything as Sirius laid them all out on the bed. James moved closer to get a better look.

James began, "What in Merlin's name are you- oh."

"What do you think of them?"

"…_oh_."

James couldn't tear his eyes away from the magazine covers. Even though he felt like he was betraying Lily, he couldn't help himself as he took in the wonderful bodies of hundreds of different naked women.

"What are they?" James asked in a weak voice.

"Muggle magazines called _Playboy_," Sirius proclaimed proudly, as though he had always known what they were.

"_Muggles _made these?" James blurted in complete disbelief.

"Couldn't believe it myself either, but then Kit explained it all to me-"

They both someone try to turn the locked doorknob and turned. James hissed at Sirius to put the magazines away and he quickly shoved them under the bed as James unlocked the door. In the doorway stood a very bemused Remus Lupin.

"Why's the door locked?" Remus asked as James pulled him in, locking the door behind him again.

Sirius spread the magazines on the bed, about to announce again to Remus proudly exactly what they were. Remus didn't need explaining however and he went bright red as he looked away, spluttering, "Why do you have _Playboy_?"

Sirius demanded, "You know what _Playboy_ is?"

* * *

**Next chapter preview : Trafalgar?**

"Do you even know where Big Ben is?"  
"Who's he?"

_"I'll pay. How much are you charging for it?"_

**"Don't you know where we're going?"  
"Of course I do."**

**

* * *

**

**Here's my note to you guys. :)  
**Hi! I'm new to Harry Potter fan fiction, I write mainly for Naruto, but a friend of mine got me really into Harry Potter. Hopefully everyone's in character here, it's my first HP fic. Sirius foreverrr- Oh, since Christmas is coming up, here's a lame Christmas joke.

_What do you call Santa's helpers?  
Subordinate Clauses._

Everytime you review, you make an author smile. Make an author smile today.

**Selandora**


	2. Trafalgar?

"How did you get a _Playboy_?" Remus questioned Sirius.

He frowned and said, "If you want a copy, I'll give one to you."

The werewolf went a bright shade of red and he all but shouted, "I don't want a copy!"

James was sprawled on the bed beside the magazines, flicking through them appreciatively. It was as though Remus and Sirius no longer existed to him; _Playboy _had taken over his mind and brainwashed him.

"You're underage, you're not meant to have them. You didn't force a Muggle into doing it, did you?" Remus said weakly.

Sirius blinked in surprise and lied, "Me? Of course not. I'm an honourable citizen."

James would have snorted if his nose wasn't buried in some woman's-

"Sirius, tell me the truth," Remus said in a sharper tone.

Sirius hated it when Remus spoke like that. Remus could always make Sirius tell him anything, just by changing his voice and looking at him with those serious grown up eyes. He supposed that maybe Remus was the proper mother he had never had- not that Remus would have been happy to know that.

"I didn't _force_ her," Sirius finally relented. "I have to do her a favour."

"Her?" Remus asked, wondering what kind of girl would help Sirius, of all people, buy a copy of _Playboy_.

"Yeah, she wants me to take her around London since she's new here," he explained and Remus' brow furrowed in confusion.

"But Padfoot, she's a Muggle."

"Hey, just because they can't use magic doesn't mean you have to look down on them."

"No, I didn't mean it like that," Remus interrupted quickly. "I meant you're going to have to take her to all the Muggle tourist places."

Sirius looked bored out of his mind. "And?"

"Do you even know where Big Ben is?" he asked in exasperation.

"Who's he?"

James stopped looking at a very pretty brunette to glance over at Sirius and noticed the numbers scrawled on his palm. "What's on your hand, Padfoot?"

"Mm, not sure actually. Kit said it was her mow-bile number," Sirius said, the foreign word rolling off of his tongue strangely.

"Have you called her yet?" Remus asked.

There was a long silence.

Remus changed his question. "Do you know _how _to call her?"

"Of course I do. I just haven't gotten around to it yet," Sirius lied.

With a sigh, Remus asked, "Do you want to go call her now?"

"Hm, that's an idea. Why don't you come with me, Moony?" Sirius suggested.

This of course meant that Sirius had absolutely no idea what a telephone call was, how to make one or even where to find a telephone booth and he wanted Remus to show him what to do. Of course, Sirius would never say this straight out (he was much too proud and devious) but over the years Remus had learned how to recognise Sirius' words for what they really were.

"Of course I'll come with you," Remus said, with so much enthusiasm that it would be hard for anybody not to realise he was being fake.

Sirius beamed at him.

* * *

"Who's this?"

"Well, hello to you too, Kit. Is that how you greet people all the time?"

"…who are you?"

"Sirius. Sirius Black."

"If this is a racist joke, it's not funny."

"What? No! I'm serious - argh, I mean – I'm the guy you bumped into today at the convenience store."

"You mean at Circle K?"

"The place where they sell _Playboy_."

"…yeah, I remember you."

"Nobody forgets Sirius Black. Anyway, what I meant to ask you was when and where you wanted to meet up for our date-"

"It is _not _a date."

"Sure, sure; when and where?"

"How about tomorrow?"

"You're that eager to see me?"

"Forget tomorrow then, how about this time next year?"

"No, no, I was just joking. Tomorrow's fine; I'll see you outside the convenience store?"

"You mean Circle K?"

"Yeah. That place."

"Okay."

"Okay then."

Silence.

"See you tomorrow for our date-"

Click.

* * *

The nearest payphone to the Potter residence was about half an hour away, so Remus and Sirius had to wait for the Knight Bus to come along and pick them up. You could never make Sirius stand in one spot for too long, because he would soon start fidgeting and getting impatient, and then he'd eventually start to drive Remus insane. The only way to keep Sirius occupied was to talk to him- though sometimes that was worse than the alternative.

"So, what's the name of the girl?" Remus ventured.

Sirius clasped his hands behind his head and leaned against a tall lamp post, staring up at the dark starless sky. He replied, "Her name's Kit Asou. I think she's a foreigner, but she's pretty decent."

"The name sounds Japanese," Remus mused, completely ignoring Sirius' latter comment.

Sirius added, "She speaks perfect English, though. She's got a bit of an accent, but I don't really know what it is. Do you know what Japanese people sound like?"

"No, I don't know much about Asia actually," Remus admitted and this came as a slap in the face to Sirius.

Sirius insisted, "But you know everything, Moony!"

"Um. Thanks, Padfoot," Remus said awkwardly.

There was a brief silence between the two of them. Remus had never handled praise very well, and Sirius was just in his own little world for the time being. A figure in a dark cloak collided violently into Sirius, knocking him to the cold stone pavement, and Sirius swore loudly. Remus moved to help him to his feet, but Sirius' offender had beaten him to it.

The mysterious boy apologised, "Sorry 'bout that, mate, I didn't see you-"

There was a short pause as the boy wearing the cloak saw the glossy cover of a dirty magazine and he released Sirius' hand in awe, sending him to the floor once again. Remus recognised the boy now; he was in the same year as them in Hogwarts. He was John Abbott, from Hufflepuff, and Remus felt his stomach lurch sickeningly when he realised that John was unable to tear his eyes away from the _Playboy _cover.

"Why did you bring it with you?" Remus asked in exasperation, but he might as well have been speaking to a brick wall.

"Oi, if you stare any longer I'll charge you," Sirius snapped irritably, now thoroughly annoyed. He was cold, he had fallen on his ass twice on the even colder pavement, and his new _Playboy _magazine was being ogled by a perverted Hufflepuff.

Sirius hadn't expected John to turn to him and blurt, "I'll pay. How much are you charging for it?"

Sirius' mind temporarily went into shock, but in the next moment he was planning. He had bought twenty four magazines for four hundred eighty Knuts. So that meant each magazine had only cost twenty Knuts. If he was going to sell a copy of _Playboy_ to John, then he would naturally have to charge him the same price he had gotten it for. Ripping off people was beneath Sirius.

"It's a Galleon for a magazine," Sirius stated.

Remus' gaze snapped to Sirius', but Sirius sent him a look that read clearly 'I've got this covered'. Without even hesitating, John pulled out a black velvet pouch of coins and poured them into his white, calloused hands. He shoved ten Galleons into Sirius' waiting palms and ran off with the magazine as quickly as possible.

"You need to give him back his money," Remus said, staring after John as he bolted like lightning away from them.

Sirius scoffed, "Give him back what money? He paid for the magazine and I gave it to him, I don't owe him anything."

"A _Playboy _magazine only costs twenty Knuts, Padfoot," Remus chastised him.

"There's nothing wrong with a little profit," Sirius said conspiratorially, and there was a hiss and a bang as the deep purple Knight Bus pulled up beside them.

It was only when Sirius ascended the stairs into the bus that he came to a sudden halt. "Wait a minute. How do _you _know how much _Playboy _costs, Moony?"

* * *

James awoke to the sound of a small brown owl tapping its beak frantically at the glass window. He looked around blearily and then groped around for his glasses on his messy bedside table, shakily putting them on when he found them. The clock hanging from his wall on the opposite side of the room read that it was thirty four minutes past two in the morning. Carefully manoeuvring his way around Sirius' sleeping form on the ground, he pulled open the window and the excitable owl darted inside.

He swore and ducked as the owl shot like a bullet around his room, as though it was determined to become a seeker for a team in the Quidditch World Cup, and the sounds of rustling wings woke Sirius up.

"What the bloody hell's that?" Sirius demanded in a tired slur.

James replied uncertainly, "I think it's an owl."

"That's not an owl, it's a mutant hippogriff," he grumbled under his breath.

The owl finally came to a stop and landed on James' table. It hopped from side to side like a jack in the box and James tried to remove the letter attached to its leg, but to no avail. There was a rustle of cloth behind him as Sirius stood up and a large hand grabbed the owl by its neck, holding it in place, to which there was a small 'peep' of shock.

James removed the letter and Sirius threw the owl out of the window. It seemed like it was used to such treatment because it set off quickly, as though it hadn't just been strangled by a sleep deprived teenager.

Glancing at the name on the envelope, James frowned in confusion. He held out the extremely heavy letter to Sirius and said, "It's yours."

"Mine?" Sirius asked in surprise and he opened the envelope, pulling out a letter.

His grey eyes scanned the sheet of parchment and slowly, a smirk began to blossom on his face. James would know that smirk anywhere, it was the Smirk. Every time it appeared, it meant that the two of them were headed for a detention.

"What's it say?" James questioned him.

"Oh, nothing. Go back to sleep, Prongs," Sirius all but ordered him.

James wasn't stupid, he knew something was up, but he reasoned that Sirius would tell him eventually. When it came to troublemaking, Sirius always managed to get him and Remus involved.

* * *

"We should just go to school in Muggle clothes. They're so much more comfortable," Sirius commented, holding out his arm and admiring the sleeve of his big, woollen, orange jumper.

He was wearing yellow rubber boots, into which a pair of faded jeans had been tucked into. He looked like an absolute idiot, not that James or Sirius would have known. They had all decided that since Sirius was going out on a date with a Muggle, he needed to look like a Muggle. The day before, they had gone scouting for discarded Muggle clothing and had picked up what Sirius was now wearing.

"I don't know, Padfoot, I think you're overdoing it a bit," Remus said worriedly.

"You worry too much, Moony, he'll be fine," James reassured him. "He'll have her hanging on his every last word."

"Why thank you, Prongs," Sirius told him.

"No, no need to mention it. It's true, you're an irresistible man, Sirius Black," James complimented him dramatically.

"Oh, you don't really mean that. But if you absolutely insist, I'll have to accept your flattery," Sirius said, as though it greatly pained him, and James nodded sagely.

"If anything goes wrong, use the two-way mirror and tell Prongs," Remus reminded him and Sirius waved his hand dismissively.

"Sure, sure. I'm going now," he said as the Knight Bus pulled up beside them and he stepped on.

He didn't need the directions to Circle K, he had memorised them. As he walked towards the convenience store, he passed a travel agency and noticed a brochure in the window. It clearly read in bright blue letters, 'A Tourist's Guide to London'.

On instinct, Sirius walked into it and glanced back at the door when it jingled. He went over to the brochure and held it up inquiringly to the obese man sitting behind a counter. "Can I take this?"

The man was lost for words as he took in Sirius' attire, and all he could do was nod dumbly. Sirius grinned winningly at him and left the agency to continue on his way to Circle K. He flicked through the brochure on his way there and frowned at some of the things he saw there.

_Trafalgar square? It sounds a bit like someone vomiting. Trafalgar._

"Sirius?" a vaguely familiar voice behind him called.

He turned and came face-to-face with Kit Asou. She was dressed in a red shirt with Marilyn Monroe's face embossed on the front and a short black skirt. Four badges, including a bright yellow smiley face one, were pinned to her skirt and she wore long black socks with a dark purple spiralling design trailing up the sides. Her shoes were black, chunky high heels and she had a purse made entirely of linked silver paperclips over her shoulder.

He grinned at her widely and said, "I knew you'd show up for our date."

"I've told you, it's _not _a date. And what are you wearing?" she asked, looking over him with disgusted, unimpressed eyes.

"You like it, huh? I thought you would." He smirked at her proudly.

"I am not going out with you dressed like that."

Sirius' hopeful face fell and he asked, "What's wrong with it?"

She stared at him for a long minute, wondering if he was just joking around with her. However, he said nothing; he was really waiting for her answer. Shaking her head in disbelief, she opened her bag and began to rifle through it. From it she produced a bundle of men's clothes and Sirius eyed them suspiciously.

She held them out to him. "Take these."

"Why do you have _men's clothes _in your bag?" he asked jealously. "If you're involved with another man, you should have told me before I agreed to date you."

"They're my brother's," she interrupted him hastily.

He asked in surprise, "You have a brother?"

"Yes, now please go change," she told him, growing irritated.

"There's no loo though," he pointed out.

She blurted, "No what?"

"Loo," he said with a straight face.

"What the hell's a loo?" she demanded, wondering if he was insulting her.

"Well, you and I wouldn't be able to go into the same one. It's where you go to – ahem – relieve yourself, so if you came in to mine you might see a bit more than what you bargained for-"

"A toilet," she realised.

"Yeah."

She fell deep into thought, and then suddenly she brightened again. She suggested, "I saw an alleyway a couple of blocks back. You can change in there and I'll guard the entrance."

"That could work," he agreed.

As she led him to this alleyway, he felt something like foreboding settle deep into the pit of his stomach. This seemed extremely familiar, but he couldn't exactly pinpoint why until she showed him the alleyway she had mentioned. They were standing at the entrance to Diagon Alley.

He couldn't exactly kick up a fuss now that they were there, though. She would get suspicious and then he'd have to make up an excuse- and he didn't really want to lie to Kit. He sighed in resignation and decided he'd just have to change at light speed.

Kit had her back turned to him and she stood at the mouth of the alleyway, hiding him from view. He pulled off his bright orange jumper quickly and began to tug on a tight grey shirt. There was a grating of bricks behind him and he turned instinctively, his shirt only half on.

A girl from Hufflepuff he only vaguely recognised stood there, staring at him in complete shock. She went a bright red and couldn't bring herself to say anything. Sirius hissed at her, "You've got to go back in! There's a Muggle here!"

Of course, Sirius' warning didn't have quite the same effect as it would have, had he been properly clothed. The girl could make out quite a bit of Sirius' muscular, toned stomach and she couldn't quite tear her eyes away from it. She was frozen in place and with an exasperated sigh, Sirius quickly tapped the combination for the entrance to Diagon Alley on the brick wall. He pushed her back into the bustling shopping area and pulled on the rest of the shirt.

There was a pair of shoes along with the shirt Kit had given him, which were black lace up boots (how had she managed to fit those into her bag?). Sirius held them up and scrutinised them before coming to the conclusion that he really liked them. Taking off his bright yellow Wellingtons, he pulled on the boots and tucked the ends of his jeans into them since they were much too long for him. Picking up the discarded clothes, Sirius walked back to Kit and tapped her on the shoulder.

"What do you think?" he asked cockily.

She paused and gave him a once over. "Give me your old clothes."

In confusion, he handed them over to her. She walked over to a nearby dustbin and shoved them into the opening, brushing her hands off on her skirt as though she might have caught some kind of disease from his furry orange jumper.

"I actually wanted to keep that," Sirius said, feeling rather hurt.

"You'll thank me eventually," she muttered darkly.

She turned and walked away. Sirius quickly fell into step beside her, tugging at his shirt experimentally. It was tighter than he was used to, but it was kind of cool. He really liked Muggles. And their clothing. And their women weren't too bad either.

Kit stopped suddenly and he nearly stumbled over her. He caught himself at the last moment and she asked him, "Where _are _we going?"

"Um." Sirius thought long and hard. "What about Trafalgar square?"

Her brow furrowed suspiciously and she ran her long, slender fingers through her bleached hair. He noted that her fingernails were long and that they were lacquered with four different colours. On the end of her right index fingernail, a tiny hole had been punctured into it and a small diamond charm hung from it. Sirius wasn't quite sure how he felt about it - what happened when she needed to wipe her bum?

"All right," she agreed finally.

She looked at him expectantly and Sirius realised that she was waiting for him to lead the way. He grinned back at her and turned, walking as though he knew exactly where he was going and she foolishly followed him.

* * *

"There are no bloody signs anywhere," Sirius said in frustration.

Kit asked him, "Don't you know where we're going?"

"Of course I do," he snapped irritably.

"Well, _sorry_ for asking," she spat back angrily.

Sirius paused and looked at her for a moment in complete surprise. She returned his look with a venomous one of her own. She was tired, her feet hurt and she didn't even know why she was walking around with this guy-

"You're forgiven," Sirius told her kindly.

Sarcasm was completely lost on Sirius.

She didn't quite know what to say next, but her feet decided for her. She took a step and her knees buckled. She collided into Sirius' side and grabbed onto the fabric of his shirt for support. This ended up choking Sirius, who gagged unattractively, and Kit hit the pavement painfully.

While Sirius struggled to breathe again, Kit let out a loud moan of aggravation and she ripped off her high heels. She forced them into her seemingly endless paperclip bag and began to walk barefoot on the dirty cement.

"Your knees are bleeding," Sirius commented.

"I don't care."

He ventured, "Do you want me to carry you?"

She shot him a scathing look.

"Is there something wrong?" Sirius asked the one question that sent everything to hell.

"Something _wrong_?" Kit demanded. "We've been walking for over an hour, you don't even know where we're going, my feet hurt, I'm bleeding and I'm wasting my time with some perverted _gaijin _stranger!"

"…do you want me to carry you?"

It was all she could do to keep from gaping at him.

"Fine," she mumbled.

Without any warning, he swept her into his strong, muscular, sexy arms, very much like Prince Charming would have. She fidgeted awkwardly, trying to make sure that her skirt covered anything that shouldn't be revealed to the rest of the world, and Sirius let out an 'oomph' of pain when she elbowed him in the ribs. He wisely kept quiet though, and she hugged her bag to her stomach protectively.

And then a very awkward silence fell.

"What's a _gaijin_?" Sirius asked her.

Kit blinked up at him in surprise. Oh God, he really did look like Prince Charming from this angle. She could make out his strong defined cheekbones and his flawless skin. His grey eyes swirled lazily like mist over a mountain and one of his aristocratic eyebrows was arched upwards questioningly.

Then she scowled. This was definitely a cliché.

"It's a Japanese word for…people like you," she tried to explain vaguely.

He frowned and said, "That's not very nice."

"I mean westerners. People with white skin," she explained.

"Oh, I see. So you're Japanese?" he questioned. She nodded and he began to nod sagely as well, as though he had known all along.

"Are all British people like you?" she wondered.

Sirius grinned. "What? You mean sexy?"

"No, annoying."

"Ouch, right between the legs," he complained, wincing dramatically.

For a fleeting moment, she smiled. Sirius noted that it was the first time that he'd actually seen her smile and he completely forgot what he was going to say next. He tripped over something absentmindedly and she screamed, latching onto his chest.

"Oops."

"You're so clumsy!" she chastised him and he grinned unabashedly back at her.

He said dismissively, "You love me anyways."

"What did you even do with all those _Playboy _magazines?" she asked him, changing the topic.

"I've read most of them. They're really good," he replied happily.

She pulled a face and said, "That's gross."

"What else am I meant to do with them?" he pointed out.

"I suppose," she relented. "But why so many? You can't be _that _desperate."

"Well, not anymore. I have you now, don't I?"

"Don't push your luck," she threatened him.

Another silence fell and, Sirius inevitably broke it. "What would you do if I really dropped you?"

"Don't think about it," she snarled at him.

He asked, "Would you kill me if I fell on you?"

"I said, _don't_ think about it," she repeated, stressing her words.

With a wide crooked smirk, Sirius goaded her, "I don't know, I think you'd quite enjoy it."

He glanced at her face and noticed that she was frowning, causing her face to tighten and her eyes to grow extremely narrow. "No offence, but you shouldn't frown. You look really ugly."

"You're really ugly," she snapped back defensively.

"What a comeback," he muttered sarcastically under his breath and she smacked him in the arm, causing him to flinch.

Luckily for Sirius, Kit didn't hear the next comment he made ("You hit like a man.") as she stared over his shoulder in amazement at something in front of them. He had been looking at her so he hadn't really noticed, and he directed his attention towards what she was gazing at.

"Wow, I never thought I'd see so many pigeons," Sirius blurted in complete surprise. "Where are we anyways?"

He came to a stop in front of a huge stone pillar that had four huge brass lions surrounding it at each corner. There were too many pigeons to count sitting on the gigantic structure and an engraved sign caught Kit's eye.

"What's that say over there?" she asked Sirius, pointing to her left.

Sirius hitched her higher up and she tightened her grip around his neck as they turned towards the sign. He walked slowly towards the brass sign and when they finally got there. Kit strained her eyes as she tried to read it. She still wasn't very good when it came to reading English, even though she could speak fluently and a lot of the places in London had strange names, like Westminster or Piccadilly.

She began to mumble to herself as she tried to make out the word, "Tr…fal…?"

"Trafalgar, actually," Sirius supplied helpfully.

"It sounds a bit like someone vomiting," she mused to herself and he nodded in agreement.

She slid herself off of Sirius' back and put her shoes back on, holding onto his shoulder for support in case she fell. Her feet still throbbed, but the pain wasn't nearly as terrible as it was before and her eyes lit up mischievously as she looked back at all the pigeons. Sirius watched her and suddenly she dashed towards them. They flew up and around her, surrounding her with loud frantic squawks, and she was hidden from his view for a few moments.

Then he saw her.

An unrestrained joyful laugh slipped from her glossy lips and a contagious smile spread across her face as the wind ruffled through her platinum blonde hair. The dim sunlight made her skin glow and her brown eyes sparkled vividly, childishly even. All Sirius could do was stare at her.

_Merlin's beard. She should be in _Playboy_._

* * *

**Next Chapter Preview : Sirius Black Who Lives In a Shack**

"You're too modest. A real role model for wizards everywhere.

"_You sold all the _Playboy_ magazines."_

"**I missed you too. Now, I was wondering when we should meet up for our next date-"**

* * *

A/N: Hello! Um, well, so I haven't really done much for my other Naruto stories and this chapter been written for ages, so I decided to post it. Just to avoid any confusion, I _am _selandora on harrypotterfanfiction . com so this is not plagiarism or anything. (Can you plagiarise your own work?)

For those of you waiting for the end of DD, I'm sorry! I'm almost done writing it!

**Selandora **


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